You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
