I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
