gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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