I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did i walk over a car last night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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