Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
