i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
