I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
