I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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