walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
