Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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