I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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