I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
