based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
