i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
