She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
