in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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