I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
