Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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