Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
