My hand turned me down
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
4 words: hood of his car
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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