you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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