Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
