It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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