Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
