Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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