Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
