So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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