dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
