I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
