DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
