Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
