Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
