Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
