U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
