i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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