I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
