...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
