I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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