i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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