went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
