i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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