im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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