your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
