Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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