I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
