to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
