so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
