well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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