to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.