No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
