I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
