hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize