Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
