Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
