Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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