So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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