The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
