The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you never un-have a 4some
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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