my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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