My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
