To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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