her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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