She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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