Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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