i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
