i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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