Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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