He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
